


This Time No

by thecookiemomma



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: "The Tokra (pt 1 & 2)", F/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-17
Updated: 2010-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-13 17:57:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecookiemomma/pseuds/thecookiemomma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a song by Mumford and Sons called "Winter Wind"<br/>It's found <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i8ml0XnR4k"> here</a><br/>Standard disclaimer:  Anything you recognize is not mine. No money made from this work. Beta: <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Scilera/pseuds/Scilera">Scilera</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	This Time No

Sam gazed over at the blond man, her heart beating rapidly with recognition. _Oh, my God. It's him._ She had to catch herself, prevent herself from just running full out toward him and kissing his face off, never letting him leave. However, that niggling voice in her mind reminded her that they weren't _her_ memories. Lantash wasn't _her_ lover. The less reasonable part of her mind sounded emminently reasonable in that moment. _And why the hell not? You know him, he'd understand. You know he would._ He would. The thought made a sweet smile grace her face, and she turned, seeming to take in the expanse of desert around them to avoid detection from the men on her team and the team that accompanied them.

 _That's not the point._ Great. She was arguing with herself. True, she could pass it off as remnants of having had another sentience inside her skull with her, but that had only lasted a very short time. A week at most. And it had been ages. But something this strong left a mark on a woman's soul. Jolinar and Lantash had been lovers. For a _very_ long time. And Jolinar's last thoughts had been like a movie of some of their best moments: nights of passion, days of collaboration, quiet times of connection in whatever cold, dank, place they had had to camp. It was excruciatingly painful to stand still. But she did it. She wasn't an Air Force officer for nothing.

 **As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts  
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms  
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?  
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt**

After a few interminable moments of keeping herself from giving in, the decision was taken away. Garshaw came and the team was taken down into the base. During that whole mission, especially after he'd learned of Jolinar's fate, Martouf kept sneaking her glances. Maybe he was expecting her to reveal what she thought. Maybe she could have gotten away with answering those glances. Stargate Command hadn't exactly forbidden fraternization with the locals; even if they had, most teams would have ignored the dictum anyway. She snorted, causing Daniel to lift his brows with that curious, piercing look of his. She just shook her head, and went back to listening to an ancient argument -- one that she somehow supported both sides of. At the same time.

When the team came with the word on her father, her heart broke. All thoughts of her dilemma fled her mind as her concern for her dad just flooded her system. She was sure she caught a mask of concern on Martouf's face, but the emotions burning through her gave her no time to focus on anything but the essentials. This _thing_ , this worry was definitely non-essential. With military precision, she moved on.

 **We'll be washed and buried one day my girl  
And the time we were given will be left for the world  
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague  
So let the memories be good for those who stay**

He was so frail. General Jacob Carter, father, soldier, strong pillar of Sam's life, was as weak as a kitten. It was extremely difficult to sit next to his bedside and watch him in such pain. And the damnedest thing of it was that there wasn't much Earth medicine could do. She could probably whip out a hand device and make _something_ happen, but he wasn't cleared for that, and there'd be too many questions. So, silently, painfully carrying the knowledge that she _might_ be able to do something about his situation, she just remained by his side. When the idea came to bring him to them and blend him with a Tok'ra, her heart jumped. It was an elegant solution. The only challenge was explaining all of this to dear old dad.

"Holy Hannah!" Sam laughed. He was still himself, and he understood. He and Saroosh seemed to get on like a house afire, and Sam was pleased. It was amazing. However, there was still no guarantee. For all they knew, they could lose all three of them instead of just Saroosh. During the waiting period, that time between when the rest of the base evacuated and they could move Jacob / Selmak, Martouf sat quietly beside her, sometimes grasping her hand in a very familiar sensation that brought her first whirling impressions of the man back forcefully to the surface. She blushed, and he chuckled quietly, saying nothing, just waiting.

 **Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved  
Was the same that sent me into your arms  
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone  
And no hope, no hope will overcome**

 **And if your strife strikes at your sleep  
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves  
You'll be happy and wholesome again  
When the city clears and sun ascends**

When they were able to leave the cave system, Sam's heart was nearly raw with a seesawing of pain and grief. She'd been through so much in such a short period of time. Not only this stuff with her father, but the renewal of the grief and guilt she felt over the loss of Jolinar. She couldn't keep her tears in as she embraced her father. He understood, she thought, but it was still embarrassing. She'd been trained to keep all that inside, releasing only when she was alone, or when it was appropriate. There wasn't a casket, no Arlington, no folded flag. Nevertheless, her tears burned hotly down her cheeks, and her shame burned brightly in her chest. Finally, after prolonging the hug as long as she could, she broke free. Martouof gave her a sympathetic smile, and the tears increased. She gave him a tearful nod, and turned away, cheeks red, and eyes becoming so. Stepping through the Stargate, she returned home, releasing the rest of her emotions in the silence of the base shower, letting the hot, salty tears mix with the warm spray.

 **And my head told my heart  
"Let love grow"  
But my heart told my head  
"This time no  
This time no" **

 


End file.
